i don't really know how to start this so whatever, deal with my incoherent rambling I guess

yesterday I got a dm from my friend who asked so graciously if they could send a Google doc which had shit about a person who groomed me like three fuckin years ago or whatever. basically it was someone else saying "uhhh they're kinda bad lol and also I dated them so don't date them maybe" whatever

I've only ever shown this to them. and I've only ever talked about my groomer to them in detail. its like made me really anguished and since I've had that encounter with them its fucked me up real bad. like how groomers do.

but knowing the reason why I trusted them with this info it just really put me off the fact that they asked to show it to someone. that means they were talking about it beforehand and talking about me beforehand in some way or another and I hate that I was even brought into their conversation in the first place. they said the context for the Convo was basically just talking Abt petty internet shit or whatever but its just. so weird to me.

I hate that I gave them the go ahead even though I know I didn't want to.and I hate that this is making me so mad and I actually feel repulsed by them right now for some. reason I guess. like just the thought of talking to them makes me want to choke myself. that's never really happened to me at all during our almost4 year long relationship. and they've said way worse shit to me.

I hate that Im letting myself get this mad about this but .Like whatever I guess maybe I'll go fuck myself then